just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize