dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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