my phone cant type all the emotion im having
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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