Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
