I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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