i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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