life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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