I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
