At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it was like eating out sand paper
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
