Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
