I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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