i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
