Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
