i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
