Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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