remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
