So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
