Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
