Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
