It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
