I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
