If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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