Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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