I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
