Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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