So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
