woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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