so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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