I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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