went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
