that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
