I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
