you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize