well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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