Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am spending my child support on dildos
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
