Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
