Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
