I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
