She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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