boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
