In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Success! We fucked roommates!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
