The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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