i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
