She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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