Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
