I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
