I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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