you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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