i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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