I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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