You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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