i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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