You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
