dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
