GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
