So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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