You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When are your genitals available?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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