just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
