One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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