It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
