M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
