This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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