when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
