I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
