I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
