Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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