you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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