Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
