She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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