next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
