K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
