Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
