so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
