Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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