HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
