the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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