hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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