i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
