Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
