FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
