Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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