my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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