Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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