My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
