I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
