I just made out with a guy for $7.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
