You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize