if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
