Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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