A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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