i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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